How to do self deprecating comedy while still implying you have a massive penis by Steven Duca

What's up bros? If you wanna do comedy nothing is hotter right now than a little self deprication but how do you do that while implying to all the fine ladies in the crowd you have a massive dong? You have to do it subtly but you have to drive the point home. Luckily you have Comedians on the Juice to help you with some examples.

Fat jokes

You‘re feeling a little fat about 3 to 5 percent body fat well it's time to make fun of yourself you stupid slob so try something like this:

"I've been gaining some weight lately and I'm starting to feel fat but how am i supposed to stop thinking about food when i got this giant sausich between my legs"

See nice and subtle that could be an actual sausage but the ladies know and I'm sure if you write like that you'll get to show them

Ugly jokes

You got a problem? You look like 2000s Mickey Rourke instead of peak 80s Rourke? Well you gotta tell the crowd how disgusting you are try something like this:

"I walked by the park other day and kids thought I was a monster and ran away. When I'm in the bedroom with a woman and I emphasize woman because I'm not gay they run towards the monster. Which is my penis.

See once again subtle no one knows what a penis is the world has been adulterated by words like dick and pecker and pants bicep. Know your words its a smart move.

Intelligence jokes

Are you a fucking moron? If you read a comedy advice column the answer is most likely yes. So you have you have to go on stage and explain to the crowd how fucking dumb and pathetic you really are like so:

"I have a small brain so good thing i have a huge cock"

Fast subtle one liners like a jacked ass Steven Wright that's how it's done.

Suicide jokes

Look emo chicks are usually hot so you're gonna wanna turn up the suicde jokes and you'll be cleaning up your massive loads out of green hair in minutes. Try this:

"So i went to kill myself the other day after my mom took away my Limp Bizkit cd (jacked ass band wrote wrestling themes named albums after assholes). So i tied my Johnson into a noose and i broke the beam i hung it on"

Boom there you go you'll be drowning in more emo vajone then 99 Marilyn Manson.

There you go the best advice you'll ever receive. Use it long and hard. Like a schlong.